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Saturday, May 2, 2009

Nero versus the Law

I got up real early today. Eight o clock. For some reason, i was in a real happy mood, and much to the amusement of my roomies, was singing songs loudly while getting ready for office. After dropping Suresh at his stop, i turned towards my office's direction. As i approached Tiruvamiyur signal, from afar i could see a cop, standing on the left side, stopping all the bikers without helmets. I manouvered my bike to the right, and increased the speed but he had already spotted me. Showing amazing reflexes, he managed to cut me off, and though the thought struck me, and i attempted the stunt, my bike really did not lift off into the air and sail over him. Instead, it skidded to a halt right in front of him.

"License, insurance, No Objection Certificate" , he barked after grabbing my key.
"Errr, im not carrying the bike documents with me sir", i told him in my most girlish voice.
"What? Porkhi!!! License illa? "
"No sir, i have my license", i quipped and proceeded to take the magnificent card out of my wallet. As he looked at it, at the passport size picture of a lad, beaming unusally happily at the camera, i wondered if the dimple had the power to make him feel philantropic enough to let me go.

"Two thousand One hundred rupees" He barked. Apparently, it didnt have the power.
But 2100? I looked at my license, to check if i resembled any of those foreigners who visit India …. Well yeah i do sometimes look like a Greek God, but cmon still two thousand one hundred ?

"Err Sir ….. sorry! "
That's the best and only thing i could come up with. Well you cant blame me. "Sorry" has been ingrained into our systems right from when we were born. You do it too, so dont laugh at me. Porkhis!!! {I love that word, learnt it from that fellow}

"No sorry!" Two thousand one hundred rupees or court!
My brain had started processing by now."Please sir, im a student", i told him in the most heart wrenching voice possible.
"Student??!!! Which college?"

I duno why, whenever someone asks me this question in Chennai, the first thing that comes to my mind is Stella Maris {For all the non-chennaiites, Stella is a girls' college in Chennai. Maybe if ya write some nice comments, and ya guys come down sometime, ill take you there. I mean, ill show you its compund walls} Im not sure if he'd have bought the "Stella" thingie, so I racked my brains, trying to think up of some engineering college name. {What's that university? Bama… Bamas.. got it!!!! Bahamas University! But what if he asks me where it is? Gulp!}

"Err sir, IIT"
I swear he laughed. Aloud.
He looked at the license and laughed again. and i just couldnt get why. I mean, okay just coz i never ever topped college, my branch, or my class, not even my row, doesnt mean that i cant pass of for an IIT-ian. I wear specs, people!
"Ooooh IIT", He mocked.
"Yessir, First year". Apparently, im not a good liar. Coz i can swear he almost went "Tch, tch" as if challenging me to come up with something better.
"Sorry sir, please let me go. Ill carry my papers from next time sir", i pleaded. A lot of Cognizant people kept passing by and i hoped they wouldnt see me there. Murphy, obviously wanted to play a bit more with me and just then one of the cutest girls in Cognizant Tidel began to cross Tiruvanmiyur signal. Right when he started hollering.

Now we may not be on talking terms, but the idea of her seeing me being given a dressing down by a cop, sounded far from appealing. So, even though the cop kept on with his rant, i put up a casual face, turned to the other direction and whistled a tune in a non chalant fashion, hoping that she'd think i was just having a friendly conversation with the chappie. Probably about the weather?And as soon as she was out of "spotting" radius, i turned back apologetically towards the cop who now looked like the devil incarnate, disbelief etched on his face, that i had the gall to ignore him and even whistle, while he lectured me on the trafic rules. The invectives graduated from "porkhi" to some other words which we'll just call "beep beep beep" , and i looked on bemused.

There were a lot of other offenders too, riding without helmets and the constable kept lining them up meet this guy, the officer. He looked visibly calmer, after dealing with them {no doubt bulging pockets bringing about this sudden change} and i tried again. Finally he let me go for two hundred bucks, the max i have ever paid a cop.{I remember a cop demanding fifteen hundred once, and me paying a grand total of forty rupees.} Anyway, i have reached tidel now and hopefully the rest of the day will go uneventfully. So have a great day people, and remember to wear your helmets.

p.s My teammates have just informed me that that University was not "Bahamas" …It was Satyabhama …Hmm if she laughs at me, when i pass by, im gonna go up and tell her that i had stopped by to ask him why potato prices have become so high ;)

p.s 2 Yep, and im ordering you to wear your hemets while driving. {in a lecturing tone}" How would your parents feel if you died in an accident, haan? " … lol, yep you are right, he said that first;)


kavya said...

rofl..loved this post...cant believe u actually got away with that..chor!! and the 'will-a-hat-do' tag is too cute...keep posting..

neeraj said...

Merci beaucoup madamoiselle! Im surprised you have difficulty in believing that. {in a deep soulful voice} Im a very masoom, shareef, susheel boy, you know. {blink! blink!}

Your wish is my command kid, will keep posting! Thanks again! :P

Nischal said...

Going by all your posts, I admit, infact, I bow to the HAPPENING-LIFE king Neeraj, whose rate of bumping into funny situations is atleast 20 times to the value of normal mortals, like me :)

neeraj said...


Duude, there's hardly anything that you can call HAPPENING when a cop stops you. Iss hisaab se ur life is ten times more happening than mine. Think of the times you were stopped by a cop.

Bhool gaya vo din when you were chhedoing a baali umar types ladki, and a cop saw you and spanked you on ur'anus' with his laathi!

Remember the time you were going tripling on a scooty, u sitting last, on the carrier ... The traffic cop swung his laathi and you could suddenly remember your naani, thomas edison and marco polo altogether!

Arey you have always been chased by cops, dude! You are the most HAPPENING GUY in the world ;)

Lol, thanks a ton for the comment man!

Nischal said...

dude dude yr reaction to my post, its quite visible that you have missed on writing the concluding part of the story very conviniently wherein that lathi met yr benign ass and you ended up coughing up some 500 bucks...newas...dosto se kya chhupana...

and yeah i have always been chased by cops, but not for the reasons you cited, instead, because of knowing you...but man...dont worry..there is nothing bigger than your friendship :D try on..cops!!!!!

Jass said...

"hi this is a comment"

P.S: Courtesy revs

neeraj said...


Reading that last line in your comment has "bharo-ed" my aankh with happy tears!

{in a heart wrenching voice} Dost mujhe maaf kar de, agar maine tera mazaak udaaaya! Mai behek gaya tha! {sobbing}

;) lol!

neeraj said...


Are you Revs ka soochak, messenger, daasi, beta? Lol, why u sending courtesy comments man? ;)

Ed said...

Bravo... the master-rofl-bleep bleep-dude in bck 2 rckin blogsphere :)
very entertainin.. nxt time plz b sure 2 also put up photos of all your stories charchters :D
-by public demand.

neeraj said...


Umm dude, do you know me?

Seetharaman Trichur Narayanan Iyer said...

Arre doode!! getting tossed about by coppers and well.....though they may not be high in the list of 'intelligent' beings just having managed to overtake a buffalo in that list mentioned....I am sure even the coppers arent foppish enough to believe that mammoth "IIT" lie u spouted wonder he guffawed like them asuras do in the ramanand sagar serials of yore.... :-D
One hopes yer get regular here buddy...nothing like it:-)

neeraj said...


I insist, matey, that I can pass off for any IIT-ian any day! Arey with my seedha sadha masoom bhola demeanour, would anyone be able to guess that it was wid extreme difficulty that i could even beat my seat partner in a maths test, leave alone beating the class or even my row!!! lol! Arey jab nero blink karta hai, toh bade bade professor dhoke me aa jaate hain, ladkiyaan "hayye allah uii allah kehke badabad girti hain, badabad girti hain" aur police havaldaar khud pocket se sau ki patti nikaal kar mere hand me de dete hain! ;)

Revathi said...

Deja vu
Already Read :)
Already commented :)
Already fought over HOW much u ressemble an IIT-ian!! :)
Glad to have you here!!
and who is Jassi? :P

Revathi said...

Ed is Edrea!! :)
Pune blogger on ch1!!

Karan Deep Singh said...

very nice!

(nayan no more tarse!)

Anonymous said...

great post neeraj ;)

Anonymous said...

u write soooo well. im a huge fan of urs ;) ;) ;)

neeraj said...


Thanks Revaduuuu!And of course i know Edrea! Just wanted to be sure if it was the same Goan who i met in Pune.

Thanks for commenting, Edrea!

neeraj said...


Shukriya sirjee! Nayan not tarse-ing at all :)

Oooooooh, an anonymous comment! Interestante! Thank you a lot for the flattering comment though i'd really like to know who this is!

Ed said...

@ nero... u better thnk Revathi ... her comment stopped me frm posting sm really ******** comments :P DUDE.... haha... i dont think u figured t'was moi actually... lolz... male-zeta-ego hmm... ;)

neeraj said...


You are an optimist, arent you little Edrea? {eyes twinlking} There are more chances of Osama kissing George Bush's head, Symonds marrying Harbhajan than me thanking Revathi :P

But am really sorry for wondering who it was. I still claim that i thought it was you, but din wanna take a chance ;) Stay in touch, girlie!

J said...

LOL..damn hilarious!! this reminds me of an "accident" at girish coldrinks crossroads. your's surely is exaggerated but i actually had to spend this much time in arguing with the cop (and crowd, both MCPs)as the guy (in a scooter)who chose my car to bump into had actually come from behind, but then since it was a girl driving the car it had to be her mistake.:x

Anukriti Sharma said...

I think ur work has the power to make even dead souls laugh with glee! Loved every line... especially ur narcissm! This is the first time in my life that I've loved someone's work for its awesome sense of humour and narcissm!
Keep writing Water Today(Neer-Aaj)
n keep smiling!:)

Anukriti Sharma said...

And yes Nero sounds like God!

neeraj said...


Ooooooh loved the comment Anu! And you love the narcissism? That's a first ;)

\\"Nero sounds like a God"

Im sure you arent a software techie! Plus Nero was a cruel roman king too! Cruel ka to pata nahi, but king types to mai hu thoda ;)Lol!