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Thursday, May 20, 2010

To be or not to be!

Sometimes when you have just turned seven and are roaming about your home in little shorts that at best can be described as hideously tight or plain hideous, the visitors at your place pull you close by your waist and ask you “Dude, what do you want to be in life?” The question travels into your being and then follows you everywhere just like Mary’s little lamb.

They couldn’t just let you roam about in your shorts, could they?

The first time I was asked this question, I stroked my chin thoughtfully and replied ‘elephant’. To my seven year old mind, picking up water in one’s trunk and then spraying it on everyone around seemed to be the coolest thing possible. Also, I wanted to be real tall.

As luck would have it, neither happened.

By the time I had turned nine, I had devoured almost all the Enid Blyton books and was now of the firm belief that I was born to be a detective. I would look at the milkman and paper guy with suspicious nine year old eyes, but sadly, they never stole anything for me to report, and become famous. In ’92, a curly haired marathi boy swung his bat on a large Australian field and I fell in love with him and the game. They called him Sachin. In my dreams everyday, I was on a pitch with him hitting boundaries and winning matches for India. It is the greatest testament of devotion for Sachin, that even in those dreams, I let him always score more runs than me. Maybe just two or three more, but I did. Of course, I refuse to tell you that I still have those dreams.

Like most other boys, at some stage I wanted to be a pilot. At the tender age of twelve, I sat in an airplane for the first time, was airsick and vomited so much that the adjacent passenger sarcastically asked the airhostess to pass me a bucket since a packet did not seem enough. In retaliation, I promptly vomited some more, and all ambitions of flying a plane were hastily rejected.

As the teenage years floated in the kaleidoscope called life, each twist showed a new shape, a new dream. One day I wanted to be like Maneka Gandhi ,err not biologically, I mean I wanted to join the SPCA. Another day inspired by Nana Patekar’s ‘Prahaar’, I wanted to join the army and that evening I did a full four pushups. Don’t laugh, now I can complete sixty in one go without breaking a sweat. The fact, that after the sixtieth, I would be wheezing like an old cow and lying flat on my back for the remainder of the day with a glucose drip in my mouth, is to be ignored or to be treated as delightful honesty on the part of the adorable author.

Over the years I became a software engineer, wrote some code that shocked the bejesus out of most teammates and clients, and moved on to pursue knowledge, as in, MBA. I set my focus towards MICA, the premier Media and Communications Institute in the country, sure that it would provide me the chance to flirt with creativity and maybe even marry it. What Mica did, eventually, was make me aware of a new love – conceptualizing videos and ads, although laziness seldom allowed me to execute the same. Mica was like this big river, where we were all hippopotamuses. We lay in it, lazing, doing nothing but still overly satisfied. In that cauldron, I discovered that my existence was governed largely by sports, and a love for writing. College finished too soon and I felt the familiar disappointment of returning to a desk job that served no purpose other than letting American clients improve their business.

Now, as joining date approaches, the urge to follow either of two callings, a travel writer or a career in sports management, intensifies. Happiness, I am sure, would enclose its chubby fingers around the rough callused hands of a man known as ‘Travel Writer Jobs’ or ‘Team Manager Jobs’ (No relation of Steve Jobs).

In enthusiastic haste, I scampered all over the worldwide web in search of sports management jobs. Besides scores of other options, Google also let me know that I could apply for ‘High Performance Manager – Vanuatu Islands cricket team’ The vivid images of motivating, pushing and driving a weaker team to victory over a dozen mightier teams rushed me towards the ICC official website. Now, the Vanuatu islands are a group of islands in the South Pacific Ocean, famous for volcanic eruptions. Their cricket coach, Mr Pierre Chilia, though, is considerably less likely to erupt, he is actually a sweet tempered, sensible man. In his reply to my enthusiastic mail, he informed me that the selection process had already commenced, so I could go back to square one and draw doodles there. Lol, a managers job for a national sports team sounds way far fetched, but hey in the author’s defense, ask the women in his life and they’d tell you that romance, even with an impossible dream, had always been his forte. Amen.

A couple of weeks and I’ll be sitting in an office in Gurgaon analyzing data. Mails have been sent to a dozen sports marketing companies but they do not like recruiting humans anymore, it seems. And companies that employ travel writers do not have computers. Why else would they not reply to me? ;)

History will, still be kind to me, coz I, intend to write it.

56 comments:

Gobri said...

You are good. You should write more often.

neeraj said...

Thanks a lot Gobri, I intend to increase the frequency ... :)

nash said...

Dude awesome stuff... Im sure ull be gr8 in both the roles. Im just interested to see which one you end up with. All the best dude!

nash said...

And this Rohan Pujari from MICA. I have no clue why my ID says nash :P

neeraj said...

Rohan, great to see a comment from you pal. Looong time buddy, howz you doin?

Thanks for the wishes, I hope I can do some justice to them.

Abhishek said...

Hehe I liked the "I don't know why my ID says nash"

Neeraj, fantastic as always...makes me wish I'd written it ;)

Abhishek said...

Fuck I'm still chortling at Pujari's comment...hehe

neeraj said...

Shakey ,

Lol, its vintage Rohan Pujari stuff, if you know what I mean .. Actually, it should have appeared as Rambo or Great Khali, according to me , these google guys aint competent anymore at all, are they? :P

And duuuude, those pieces you wrote for me (both for the SCAM thing and the drunken scrawl in the yearbook),err though the potshots far outnumbered the compliments, they remain amongst my more cherished articles ;)

Hobbes said...

Fantastic post. Loved the flow of it !
All the best in findin tht joba mate!

Cheers

neeraj said...

Hobbes - Thanks matey, and mission 'fantasy job search' starts right now.

<runs off to google and types 'Who wants to recruit Neeraj Narayanan?'

As it turns out, for the first time, google replies with zero results :(

Ravi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ravi said...

I faintly remember you dreaming about sitting beside Harsha Bhogle someday in one of your ch-1 blogs. Hope you get your dream job! Keep writing though! :)

neeraj said...

Ravi - Yeah man, remember writing that in my last blog post before I left Cognizant...

It is always a nice thing when people remember something you said a long time back.

And for that Monsieur, thank you an awful lot ... ssup at ur end, dude?

Kasturi Shinde said...

whoa....nice to read 'a nero article' after a long long time :)

Hey analysing data might make u realise something else ...who knows but dude till d joining date try hard with ur urges...all the best!!
also also lemme say this
"WHAT!! u wanted to be an ELEPHANT !!..he he ..this is called dreaming real big :) :)"

neeraj said...

Kasturi - Elephants are strong, and at the same time gentle creatures. Now that describes me perfectly, doesnt it?




[Gulp!] :(

Lol, thanks girl, nice to read a 'Kasturi comment' after a long time :)

Nischal said...

Cheete,

Having read all your other blogs atleast 10 times, I will be honest in saying that this aint one of your best. I felt I am missing something.Probably because we have had elaborate discussions on the same topic many a times and this blogspace is just too small to absorb all our ideas :)..

True we all want to travel the path we fancy most, funny thing, if we dont try, we end up doing things exactly opposite, like what happened with me. At once I thought I will do some tricks to become master of reverse "reverse swing" bowling one day and make Wasim bhai to come to me to learn...used to hold the cricket ball for entire day to have its feel...and all I am doing right now is to go to a client and do "so called CONSULTING"..and the only reason for which I can gloat about is that my firm looks after Wimbledon accounts and for once they were sponsors of Wisden global cricket ratings :(

Nice read anyway....

BTW your dumbell story is hil-a-rious...i mean hil-a-rious...

neeraj said...

Nischal - Lol, it is absolutely okay if you dont like a post as much, we all have our preferences :) And o ho mere reverse swing bowler, no worries, our sons will swing the ball coventionally as well as reverse, and bring glory to their teams ;) Will start consulting..err training them as soon as they leave the Delivery room in the hospital ;)

Nischal said...

abe reverse nahi...reverse of reverse swing :D reverse swing to Wasim ko bhi aati hai...and I said I liked your post, for obvious reasons its a bit concise...On this topic, I loved our discussions more...

Keep writing sir, if not reverse swing, you blogs atleast help me touch my unrealised dreams...

kavya said...

hey, having read all ur posts at least 11 times, i have to say this is def one of my favs...really enjoyed reading it...u shud def write more

neeraj said...

Kavya - Eleven times? Bete, jhoot bole crocodile kaate! ;)

Awww thanks a ton Kavyyy, you remain, as always my biggest supporter :)

Nischal - Psst dude, dont pay attention to the above line, we have to say such lines to girls from time to time, to let them feel important.. Between you and me, you are the proud owner of fifty percent shares of this blog, bhai ... "Aa gale lag ja!"

{emotional scenes on the gates of garam samose, the two fellas are seen shedding tears, backslapping each other, eve slapping each other in an uncontrolled extreme outburst .. More after the break.}

Nischal said...

hahaha Neeraj...as a true bro'd say..."ITS OK...I UNDERSTAND THAT FEMALES DIG IN FOR CHIVALROUS LORDS"...I loved the scene that you created ouside Garam-Samose Inc.

divyashree said...

Nice one neeraj!..It takes me back to our 'Academy days' and our fantasies about each one s dream job:)..By the way, I am still on the lookout for mine:)

neeraj said...

Loong time Divya, and lol guess despite the number of days, we really havent moved on all that much, have we? Still on square one ;)

Where art thou and wadya doing in life, milady?

Neha said...

don't we all go thru the constant turbulence change of 'future career'? ...teacher, being a doctor (only when visiting the doc), computer engineering, psychologist, archeologist, historian (Greek and Roman)....one of the top execs in Microsoft, IBM, Dell or some other leading tech company (except Apple)....oh wait...this one's still on!!!!! :D

on a serious note, good blog.
very nicely written!! :)
quite interesting to know that u wanted to be an elephant ;) and im sure if u had spied on ur maid that came to do housework, you would've caught her doing some 'chori'...lol

neeraj said...

Neha, I like the archaeologist idea much more than the rest ..I would have liked to be a teacher but err.. if references wee to go by, my school teachers would rather hang from a guillotine, than recommend me as a teacher..



:(

And naah, Neha, I wouldnt wanna suspect the maid. Too many folks out there who wrongly blame their maids whenever they lose anything..

Vij@ソ said...

First time on Ur blog amd like ur writing style.


Keep penning
:)

Venice said...

As hilarious as the previous posts :D Great to see you back here!! A travel writer draws images of exciting destinations and new sceneries... while a career in sports management seems loaded with opportunities and challenges!

Whichever way you go - Good Luck! You can be a great stress-buster for people.

neeraj said...

Thanks Vijay.

Vanessa - It is always a pleasure to have you here, kiddo! Great to see your comment :)

Neha said...

never had a maid...so wouldn't know!...
but teacher idea is still in my dreams :) esp teaching and educating those who are in need and can't afford to get education...anyways...just a thought and dream of a little girl :)

neeraj said...

Neha,

Coolios, become a teacher and maybe when Shahrukh Singh (that's the supposed name of the author's future son .. needless to say, the author has not contemplated how lil Nero coud have 'singh' for a surname) is old enough to go to school, I'll send him to you. Any if he has any of his dad's genes, he will give ya the toughest time, lil Neha ;)

wanderer said...

:) shabbash meri jaan!
- kunj

Pankaj said...

lovely, Awesome, Saxy, beautifully written as usual!!! love the style of wirting and blah blah blah... u know it all nero!!! keep writing and I shall definitly read!!! :) n write more u ass!!!!

Sonal S.B. said...

I could not refrain myself from commenting, even could not wait for reading the written whole.
Simply Nice... as good as being an elephant :)

neeraj said...

@Sonal,

Could not refrain myself from replying, could not even wait for reading the whole comment.
Simply Nice... as good as being a pilot ;)

sonali said...

heyy..thats cool !! u hav a talent... lolzz.. nice :)

Dikshita said...

i forgot how good ur writing was.

thanks for reminding me.

ur ardent supporter and fan :P (also fairly instrumental in bloating that head, maybe so that the dimple gets a bit smaller....stud.)

neeraj said...

@Sonali,

Thank you maam, but err why did you start laughing as soon as you declared that I have a talent? Errr ... ;)

@Dikshita,

Sigh, I wish you wouldn't say nice things to me, I wish you wouldn't pamper me, coz I fail miserably in my attempt to reciprocate. But I do adore you to a magnificent level, and one day I will come to Mumbai and you will take me around :)

sonali said...

The laugh is for all the hilarious incidents uv written n what all u wanted to become... guess it happens with everyone sometime...like me too :P....
N yes the dimple is quite cute btw... stud !! ;)

neeraj said...

Sonali,

Aaaah Ms Mathur, is it? Thanks a ton for the comment, and yes I guess we all go thru the same thing.. what did you wanna be, kid?

sonali said...

yes it is... the stud was always there i guess waiting to be noticed someday ... hehe ;)
n btw.. i sent u couple of msg on fb..but u never replied... :( whats up..

Nakul Sud said...

is brilliant a no statement here...
truly enjoyed reading it!!

neeraj said...

@Nakul aka bhai,

Is a profuse acceptance of thanks a no statement here? Miss you lots bro, hope to catch up soon :)

Anvith said...

Bhai by far one of the few blogs that really had me reading till the very end...great work ... please continue writing...

neeraj said...

Thanks Anvith, external blogs often get lost in the vast realms of the world wide web, and shallow boys like me get depressed when they arent noticed ;) I guess that's one of the factors why I write less on this forum. But thanks dude, and long time, howz u been doing?

Neha Sharma said...

love this one !!
great work :) yes yes write more , much much more !

:)

neeraj said...

Thanks Sharma, and yes yes write more ... to me, on gtalk, on gmail :)

Yo MamaSita said...

testing

Yo MamaSita said...

testing

Sucheta said...

Heya!

I was just going thrpugh some old blog posts on my med blog and saw your comments there. One of them made my laugh so much, I absolutely HAD to come here! (thanks to me not having activated email notifications, I had no clue you ever visited my blog!)

Amazing post, this one! Every kid has been through the wanting to be an animal to wanting to be an animal-lover stage (for me it was all suffixed with AND a doctor too :P)

I love how you're so passionate about your dreams. Keep it up!

And i also want to be a travel journalist! (of course, AND a doctor too!)

neeraj said...

Doctor Sucheta,

Heck, what if you aren't a doc already, I am sure you will be soon :P And ooooh you wanna be a travel journalist too? Don't worry I'll employ you in my firm once I set it up... coolios? ;) You can probably go to Goa to write a review of Manjorda beach, while using your stethoscope to set right the brains of men who become all love sick when they see you :P

Thanks for coming to this page.

p.s Stethoscope? To set right the brain? I'll never be a doc, will I? :|

Sucheta said...

LOL. Thats flattering :P
and it so happens that I'm visiting Goa this december! :D
keep my paycheck ready haha.

Stethoscope to set the brains right: interesting. You'd make a VERY innovative doctor. Can't say much about the patients :P

neeraj said...

Kiddo, the patients will at once be hale and hearty, the moment they see me breezing into the room, for such is the charm of Neeraj Narayanan [read: obnoxious levels rising heavily, stay clear!]

Delhizen said...

I'm 6 months late in reading this post. by now I am sure you must be comfortably settled in profession that makes you happy...

in case if it isn't travel writing why not write travelogs?

neeraj said...

Hey Delhizen,

If not for the most ridiculous of situations, I would have probably been joining my dream company this april. But more on that later, if not never.

And travelogs are a good idea. Having that for a career even better ;)

Delhizen said...

In that case I think with so many good travel magazines that should not be problem :)

PS: and yes, one of the best & well known travel writer I know is a teacher by profession and a traveller + photographer propassionally ;)...google mridula diwedi

neeraj said...

I did 'google' her as you said, and her profile seems very interesting, not to mention that now I am envious too :P

Thanks a ton, Pallavi. And hmm, how do I return the favour? Tap tap .. type "shareef dilli ke ladke" in google, lets see if Neeraj Narayanan comes up ;)